Coming Down the Mountain

15 February 2008

Innsbruck isn’t known for its primal rejuvenation workshops. At least not until the Right Path Party and DUFFF trundled into town last week.

The aim was to bring a group of underprivileged youngsters from inner city Birmingham – many of whom have special needs and learning difficulties – on a three-day excursion aiming to facilitate trust and re-engineer confidence through para-nodal counterintuitive communication strategies. The trip was organised in conjunction with the Birmingham Youth Service. And the youngsters were in for a special treat on the final day when my favourite rock band and close personal friends Coldplay just happened to turn up for an improvised jam session. Wonders never cease!

Day 1
We arrive at the Hotel Sporthotel Penz to a double surprise. Not only is it snowing – some of our youngsters have never seen the white stuff – but it turns out there’s a discount on the rooms. The parents will be delighted when they learn that their kids’ pocket money is being spent wisely this month, and we waste no time in getting everybody kitted out in their mountain apparel.   

The aim of this three-day exercise was simple: primal para-nodal FLOPP reinvigoration. Of the 17 girls and 20 boys signed up for the trip, all have some kind of learning disability. Most have spent time in foster care homes or juvenile detention centres. Many, like “Nigel” (not his real name), suffer from mild psychological disorders. For Hunt Freaker, DUFFF’s Executive Coordination Strategy Chairman, it’s all about trying to rebuild confidence from day one, even before the kids hit the slopes.

“The first thing that happens,” says Hunt, “is we get them running naked through the hotel corridors. It’s just an icebreaker. But it’s also crucial because before you can rebuild confidence you first need to earn the kids’ trust.”

Day 2
Today is the first rung on the confidence building ladder. Literally. None of these kids have skied before and some of them suffer from vertigo. However, that doesn’t dissuade Hunt from organising a “motivation workshop” at the top of the 50-metre high Bergisel Ski Jump. Not all of them come down in the elevator.

“Most kids who have grown up in traumatic environments,” says Hunt, “are just waiting to break out of their shell. It’s so important that they learn to accept unusual challenges.”

For Nigel, who suffers mild concussion after a near fatal crash landing, this was certainly unusual. However, Hunt, who always advocates a “shock therapy” approach, remains philosophical, insisting that “some kids have got it and others don’t.”

Day 3
This is more like it as we relax in the hotel sauna. It’s hot in here, so I ask if I can leave the door ajar. This is great for ironing out yesterday’s bruises. The kids get talking to a German man named “Hans” (not his real name) while Hunt and I meet up with Chris Martin, who arrives fresh from putting the finishing touches to Coldplay’s new album. Immediately Chris orders fondue – “I can’t stop eating the stuff” – and reveals how this delicacy was in fact the inspiration for the song Yellow, Coldplay’s most acclaimed stadium anthem:

“Our guitarist had been drinking all day, and was trying to recharge his batteries, so we suggested fondue. Halfway through eating his face just collapses in the fondue. So I quickly grabbed him and pulled him up by the hair to stop him drowning. His face was covered in this fondue. And I said, ‘Jonny, you’re all yellow’.”

It’s good to see Chris again, and later on he signs autographs for the kids and sings songs, including one from the new album, on what looks like a harp made from a goat’s horn. What an Alpine star!

For me this is more than ample motivation for these disadvantaged youngsters to take home with them. Although Hunt, ever the lateral thinker, is not finished yet: “We’ll get them out on a cross country hike before the coach leaves for the airport at 5am.”

Thanks to Hunt, for the first time in their lives these kids are ready for everything Handsworth, Digbeth and Balsall Heath throws at them.

Comments

[Helmut (Germania)]

In so many ways you are making me live again after my divorce. I had many times when I was so low I wanted to go out and do horrible things. But in your country there is RSPCA which is for the best. Now I spend all my spare time in my room with the windows closed. It is like a breathing of fresh air.

ist dazzle weir heit

[Chips]

I'm hosing down now call me at the office

[Fish]

No she lost the keys so I ended up staying with Phil

[Chips]

It's a disgrace. They make you PAY the insurance and then give you an inferior model when it breaks down. They stitch you up at every corner. You out tonight?

[Fish]

If the guarantee runs out within 6 months your ok but later you get only a 70 percent refund..

[Ron Trickey]

It looks like you're trying to shock with your bad taste humour without having any laugh out loud moments like comedy merchants like Peter Sellers. It's all fart humour with you

ths tehcnolgy maeks me so mad why dnt' we use typwriters aynmore ?

what's this? mcclintock wears strapless satin dress?

[Mr. C. Reiss]

I would kindly like you to stop phoning my hospital ward. I am trying to get some peace with billiards, hand relief and flute practice so I don't need your kind you dubble glazing spiv!!!

[J R Hartley]

Actually seeing as Jeremy is such a close friend of Chris Martin, as he already reminded us once on this site, perhaps I could offer the hand of friendship, on behalf of the McClintock Massive, to all those Coldplay fans out there who may be curious to eavesdrop on some serious political debate? Jeremy is an Oxfam supporter. And he doesn't even wear a wristband, at least not in public.

[J R Hartley]

What odds that 50 years from now Chris'll be phoning round trying to find a second hand shop that's got a copy of Para Shoots ?

[Tim W]

Chris said on Storytellers that they got the name Yellow by looking around the room and seeing the Yellow Pages, and he thought the word 'yellow' would fill in the lyrical gap nicely.

[nwillisN1]

Wow, the piste and Coldplay. Perhaps we can dream of a collaboration with Snow Patrol soon? Oh, we can dream.

Let's hope Chris has learned not to eat yellow snow.

[99flake]

He knows where he can shove that pineapple...

[Andy Tanner]

I've heard there's one called 'Pineapple'.

[Humph Jenik]

Those crazy Coldplay guys. I bet there's a song on the new album inspired by a fruit.

when are they going to give you a MEB? If they give one to David Beckham why not you ? You rock cowboy

[Kermit]

I LURVVVVVVVE COLDPLAY ARRRRRGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!

[Xanadu Gonads]

Now, now Phil, no need for language like that. I for one am keeping an open mind until I hear the new album. Rumour has it one of the tunes includes Bono playing a trouser press.

[Phillip Thankkin]

Q = What does X & Y equal
A = Indulgent cunts

[Tony Hapsburg]

Chris, did you get those Oxfam bands off your wrist in time for the piste. I know the Austrians have strict rules about downhill accessorising.

[Harriet Childs]

Finally I'm out of doors! JOY. The freedom we enjoy to walk and write cheques is bliss. I am down to my final pennies but until I send my last dole payment to Madonnas daughtor they will not stop me oh now!

[Fridgealot]

Yo!! Coldplay forever

[Shaz Kiely]

Come on Chris when is the new album coming out???