18 September 2007
“Jeremy McClintock is a people person. And Jeremy McClintock will become the people’s politician.”
I shout that mantra into the mirror every morning, and seldom do I see my reflection flinch. That much makes me believe I am a self-fulfilling prophecy here to save Britons – especially the young – from themselves.
How to salvage people and communities from the mounting pressures of everyday life is the question that has preoccupied me ever since I formed the Right Path Party. The voice in my head has reached fever pitch this summer, with almost nightly reports of children stabbing and shooting each other because they come from the wrong postcode.
Research carried out by DUFFF reveals that 23 per cent of central Ipswich is now regarded as “chronically pedic”, while gangs in Nottingham are known to rip up and urinate on perfectly-recyclable fast food waste. Politicians need to address this problem fast. What can we do for our wasted youths and what can they do for us?
The answer, for the sons and daughters of five lucky readers, is a "self-actualisation" tour of Chile.
Incorporating the Mind Tour 2007
On 26 November 2007 the Right Path Party and DUFFF are organising a once in a lifetime 11 day excursion to South America. Its aim? To inspire as many as 20 young people, drawn from a list of national regeneration zones (vetted by the Home Office), in the ways of outdoor survival techniques and cross-cultural mind fertilisations. Part of the itinerary will involve free association focus groups with jungle tribesmen. We're also keen to hear from you, our regular readers, for practical ideas that we can add to the itinerary.
This is the first time - to our knowledge - that any political party has tried this type of daring social experiment. It's a challenge for everyone involved, and it's sure going to be a steep learning curve for me. Undeterred, I intend to rise to the challenge and incorporate these kids' minds. Public figures need to travel down the engagement path that leads from telling and explaining to reassuring and transferring task ownership and skills delegation. But most importantly we must all learn to improve the way we communicate with each other, especially given how the intra-strategic facilitation networks are heaving with the geno-thetic-synbadd potential of stakeholders.
DUFFF head honcho Sir Alain Shipmount has agreed to lend us some key personnel for the tour, including the considerable faculties of their Associate Jesus, Rich Wilkes. “I started being Jesus about two years ago," recalls Rich, "and realised it was a good way of regenerating communities”. I have seen this guy spread the word through the regeneration zones of Clapham Park and Upper Venting and it’s impressive. Chile will be tough, but with a Jesus on board we can help to lighten the load.
The tour will begin on 26 November in Chile's capital Santiago. From there we trek down to Patagonia in order to meet the rural population, before heading to the Pacific for an ecological brain-storming session with Greenpiss, and then up to Macchu Picchu for a party with the Incas. Clearly there's a lot of self-discovery and personal re-evaluation to be done.
On a personal note, this tour was scoped out, costed, implemented and delivered within three working hours. And so the man in the mirror was looking decidedly optimistic this morning. As a politician I may not always succeed in winning over the hearts of young people, but with this scheme I might just change their minds.
Competition
Want to win a place on Jeremy’s Incorporating the Mind Tour? Simply email us when you have worked out the missing letters to complete the following phrase:
Facility is f------y.
And, no, it’s not "family"! The first five out of the hat will win a securitised passport to progress.
Oh what! joy to be alive for the second time in my life. I am like a cat or a dog's biscuit. Today I won the lottery. It's not enough to drive off a cliff in a brand new Ferrari but it's a start. This time in three years I will be out of prison. Joy!
Posted by: Harriet Childs | 22 September 2007 at 11:06
Never mind the clue can I have a straw instead? Most effective means of brain powder infusion.
Posted by: Sir Spence | 20 September 2007 at 23:38
Nice choice for mind fertilization. Chile is one of my favourite shaped countries.
Posted by: Spare Gibbs | 20 September 2007 at 13:23
Does the answer rhyme with f---y?
Posted by: pnhgp | 20 September 2007 at 10:17
People we're trying to force a square-shaped peg into a triangular hole here. Just relax, take deep breaths, and smell the brain coffee. PS Can I have a clue?
Posted by: Norm | 20 September 2007 at 07:57
Speaking as an expat living in Chile, we need as much help as possible to recreate the Sappington Bounce lifestyle in suburban Santiago.
Welcome Jezza! And don't forget to pack the baked beans and salt & vinegar crisps!
Posted by: Mike TFM | 20 September 2007 at 00:54
Frank, email Sir Alain now for one of their free Live a Better Life information packs. You can read it over the next takeaway pizza; soon you won't need takeaway pizza to help you read anything; it worked for me and i have no intention of sending my money back. It's free? what the blazes, i'm going to send more some they can do another print run!
Posted by: Simon Syrturne | 19 September 2007 at 19:53
I've been all day trying to crack your countdown conundrum and reckons you're messing with our minds. Twisting my melon man when I JUST WANT A BETTER LIFE!!!!!!
Posted by: Frank White | 19 September 2007 at 19:28
This site is now sending out telepathic blog alerts at hourly intervals. That's what I call mind incorporating
Posted by: Fabrice Nairn | 19 September 2007 at 12:15
Have you been in touch with Richard and Judy ?
Posted by: Alice In Waterworld | 19 September 2007 at 11:30
Sounds more like I'm a celebrity get me out of here. Maybe you could get the kids doing those challenges where they don't eat unless they kill the emu. I love Billy Dainty.
Posted by: Guiggsy | 19 September 2007 at 10:28
less of the Sant Iago and more of the Saint Jez! What another smashing plan - who else really cares what the man on the scheme thinks as much as Our Jeremy? Not only does this man lead by example, but he also sets an example. I've emailed you my answer, i'd be happy to see my kid get the nod!
Posted by: Floris Silver | 18 September 2007 at 21:48
Incorporating the Mind uses ayahusca and ebogaine to enfranchise the lost generation and make them fit for corporate purpose; that should be obvious if you read between the lines
Posted by: Phillip Green | 18 September 2007 at 17:12
If I said to you what's your favourite Liszt recording and you came back with the Budapest Symphony then you'd be falling into my trap. I rest my case.
Posted by: Joe Bagshott | 18 September 2007 at 16:13
Is this a reference to Micky Jackson's Giving the Kiddies a Helping Hand Tour 2001?
Posted by: Wacko | 18 September 2007 at 15:56