Juggling Priorities

24 August 2007

Politics is all about sound logistics, and no-one could accuse me of not having come prepared when I arrived in Sappington Bounce High Street this week aboard a Sunseeker Portofino 53 offshore cruiser. I was here to inspect the damage caused by the freak floods and incessant rains that have been sweeping across the West of England this summer, and Sunseeker International – whose spirit of adventure began more than forty years ago, and whose range of motoryachts has expanded since then, with each new addition adding something rather special to a highly competitive market – kindly donated one of its impressive craft to help with the clean up operation.

The Portofino 53 comes with built-in radar, flatscreen televisions in each cabin and a full wetbar with hot and cold water.

What a damned nuisance, then, that three days of dry weather had reduced the floodwaters to an insignificant puddle, so preventing me from navigating the high street by speedboat.

“It’s a lot worse than it looks,” says Colin Wyndham, a former champion yachtsman and now Chairman of Sappington Bounce Round Table, as we survey the damage from the bridge of the Sunseeker, which although not going anywhere provides a superb vantage point. “The Victoria Tea Rooms were under six feet of water this time last week,” Colin notes, “and the other side of town was like a duck pond.” We head off to take a look.

Unfortunately the narrow streets of Sappington Bounce weren’t designed to accommodate a 58-foot long motoryacht being towed by a Winnebago. We take a detour through Sainsbury’s car park where I count at least two overturned cars. Only now does the carnage wrought upon this delicate little hamlet when the River Piddle burst its banks a fortnight ago begin to hit home. So far the cost to local insurers is estimated at a staggering twelve million pounds.

Later on Colin discretely informs me that the overturned Volvo was in actual fact my doing (apparently it clipped the stern of the Sunseeker as we accidentally reversed into Sainsbury's exit barriers). “Let’s get things in perspective,” I tell him. “Where would this country be right now without its insurance industry?” As ever lateral thinking wins the day. And in any case it’s a well-known fact that the Winnebago has always suffered from a terrible blind spot.

If the lower end of the high street is anything to go by then that Volvo owner should be counting his blessings. Outside the Job Centre an incongruous sign reads, “Batch 22 jobseekers report to Southampton Benefits Office now.”

“Catch 22, more like,” says Colin, pointing out that much of the lower Southampton road is still waterlogged. It’s at times like these when the true insensitivity of the public services is revealed.

Nigel, a Batch 22 jobseeker, joins us for a coffee aboard the Winnebago and tells of his ambitions to be a film director. Nigel is bursting with raw talent, and illustrates perfectly well the regenerative potential of rural communities like Sappington Bounce. Have I just met the next Martin Scorsese? The fact that Nigel admits to spending 20 hours a day “or more” (?) downloading images of women’s feet from the Internet suggests not – but then doesn’t it equally testify to the unpredictable fortunes of the creative industries, where one day you're signing on in Sappington and the next busy directing your first Hollywood feature film?

Later that afternoon I introduce Nigel to Sir Alain Shipmount, Co-founder and Secretary of DUFFF, and one of the UK’s leading creative consultants. What Sir Alain doesn’t know about geno-thetic synbadd potential frankly isn’t worth knowing. Indeed, so profound is his influence over contemporary popular culture that when Chris Martin of stadium rock band Coldplay was suffering from the creative jitters last December, it was Sir Alain that he phoned first. And the outcome of the consultation? “I put him in touch with the Noise Abatement Society,” says Sir Alain, with characteristic modesty. To his credit we haven’t heard a whimper out of Chris and the boys since. Now that’s what I call successful brand management!

Finally, as if any further evidence of the interface between politics and the creative industries were needed, Sir Alain and I end the day with some impromptu canvassing for the Right Path Party, ably supported by Nigel, our budding filmmaker; Brian, a juggling Harlequin; and Bonzo Doo-Dah, Britain’s only politically-active chimpanzee (although I’m told there are currently three in Northern Ireland). It’s lateral, sure; but there’s no mistaking the power of symbolism. Bonzo successfully draws the public’s attention to hunger in Africa by making off with a child’s cheeseburger, while the juggler leaves everyone in no doubt that I’m a safe pair of hands who can keep all his balls in the air at once.

Plane Talking

A final word on the Heathrow airport protests that greeted me as I arrived back from my African Tour at the weekend. Demonstrators had latched on to Terminal 5 expansion plans in order to highlight the harmful environmental effects of air travel.

To my mind the main point being demonstrated here wasn’t so much the rights or wrongs of either party, with the aviation authorities wanting to increase passenger capacity on the one hand, and local residents and environmentalists understandably wanting to restrict noise and environmental pollution on the other. Of course, these were legitimate concerns. But there were more profound political lessons to be drawn here concerning the way in which politics in this country is presently conducted.

I’m especially keen to sound out grassroots activists these days; even if I don’t always condone their tactics, I’m the first to defend their right to express themselves, even if the protest is verging on the unlawful.

Take Ken, for instance, a local resident who had superglued his testicles to an air traffic control mast: “I’d rather lose my balls than one more night’s sleep,” Ken blurted out, clearly in a great deal of pain. As he was led away by security officials with the mast still attached, I couldn’t help but marvel at the deep-rooted passions that this controversial issue has aroused. We all want to enjoy the freedom and convenience of unlimited air travel. But what good is unlimited air travel if in the process we inflict irrevocable environmental damage?

I’m a convert to the environmental cause. And it must be said that the way in which the government has dealt with this issue has been misguided and wrong from the very outset. We don’t simply need to listen more closely to people like Ken when drafting legislation; we also need to harness such passionate views, learn as well as listen, with the aim of providing people like Ken with meaningful stakeholder experiences as we process, facilitate, strategise and coordinate the creatively integrated futures of people and communities.

Visit DUFFF today and sample the brain juice currently on offer.

Comments

[Lett Fruret]

Would love to hear more about the footie. And what happened to the environment already?

[Chris]

Love the blogs guy! But what about follow up? You move around so much but never look back and update. More reflection would be nice.

[PG Tips]

You're good on product placement, I'll give you that much. This says a lot about why people are so hacked off with politicians. Rather than concentrate on real issues, they'd rather ponce around like pop stars, or walking advertising boards. I bet the amount of money most politicians get from their sponsors and lobby spivs is more than most people's salaries. Truly revolting.

[Chris Martin]

Never believe a man whose only contribution to culture was that he once patented a flute. No offence, Sir Alan.

[Diane Taylor]

Thank you Tony but the chimp is not! politically active and I managed to get his import licence under my own steam!

[Spare Gibbs]

I get it, Diane. You were sounding us out for the politically active chimp! If you need advice why don't you just phone your boss? Or is he so clueless that you have to do EVERYTHING for him?

[Murkle Man]

Mr Jeremy, if the aviation protestors were armed only with 'peer reviewed science", what were you armed with? Piss reviled seances? Or humanitarian rocket launchers for the Albanians?
Keep flying like an eagle, yer toastrack